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| Today was possibly the hardest day since my Mom's funeral. It is one month since she died and while I didn't think the idea of a month anniversary would have so much of an impact on me emotionally, it certainly has.
I think the emotional tailspin really got going when Emily called me this morning to report that her review had gone well. In talking about the process, she mentioned how much the committee liked her findings and then added something about how she'd passed with flying colors even though she cried. I thought she was joking until she went on to explain her statement.
It is customary, when doing these kinds of reports, for students to put in a slide of acknowledgment at the end of their presentations. Emily had decided to use a photo of Grammy - when it come up on the screen, bigger than life, she said she was overcome with emotion and began to tear up. WHile she had intended to speak of Grammy's unwavering pride in her work and support for her as a person, all she could say was that her grandmother had died a month ago after a lifetime of battling diabetes - the disease that Emily is involved in finding a cure for.
After the presentation, Emily apologized to her advisor for the display of emotion. He told her to never apologize for loving someone and that, in revealing her tender heart, she had given the committee a glimpse into the very human side of research. Rather than coming across as an emotionless scientist out to make a name or money for themselves, Emily revealed a higher motivation to work in the field of diabetes research. When Jonathon was explaining this to her, Emily said she burst into tears again.
And then we both cried as she told me the story. And my crying has continued on through the day and night. Having the deacon party here was a bit of torture. I'm glad everyone could get together and meet Elisha and Candice but all I really wanted to do was get in my pajamas and cry myself to sleep.
I was so in need of someone to talk with that I called Becky. Uncle Als' one month anniversary of his death was on Labor Day and she described that day as sheer agony. Like me, Becky has no desire to go through the holidays.
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| The minute the last child filed out of the room on Monday, I laid down on the front row to rest a bit before beginning the task of packing up. Given how I felt that day, getting my stuff into the crates and bins for transport down the stairs loomed as large as having to climb Mt. Everest - with weights on.
My thought was to rest just long enough to make the ringing in my head go away and, perhaps, even muster up a tiny bit of energy. What actually happened, however, was that I fell asleep and didn't awaken until Terri came upstairs to find me. HAHA. Nothing like falling asleep on the job and having your boss be the one who discovers your slumbering hulk. I suppose it could have been worse - such as having a classroom full of students (KINDERGARTNERS) in the room while I snored on.
When I came home, I didn't even take time to get my purse out of the car, much less all the piles, crates, satchels and bins of teaching materials. I got out of the car, went into the kitchen to prepare dinner, decided there was no way that was going to happen and then went straight to bed. Where I stayed until yesterday when I rose from the dead just to go play for the Seniors.
And then I went through the usual Wednesday routine only to come home and throw up all night. What's with this? | | |
| Yesterday was one of those days when I honestly don't know I got through all my hours of teaching. From chapel on to the last child filing out of the room and me falling asleep on the chairs in the sanctuary, I was pretty out-of-it.
I felt bad when I got there and worse as the day wore on. My lesson plans were simple - use the colorful class charts I'd made up months ago to go through every song in the musical and assess how students were doing. Of course I turned this into a challenge for the kids - could they sing every song before the class period was up and could they do well enough to earn a star beside that song on the chart???? Every class was eager to show me their stuff. I told them they could sit down on some of the songs that had minimal choreography. Poor clueless children thought it was a treat I was offering on their behalf rather than an absolute necessity for me to sit before I passed out.
Kindergarten was something else! Tono, Elisha and Amy almost drove me crazy. I told Elisha he'd have to move a clip when he got back downstairs, only to learn he was already on red, with no place lower to go. I was ready to go down there myself and make a whole new section of BLACK!!!!! Turns out he's suspended from school, beginning today.
This is how bad it was in kindergarten - we were working on a song and the Trio of Terror was doing everything they could to disrupt singing. I stopped the song in the middle to discipline (something I try never to do), got ready to start again, and then just turned to the class and said, "No, we're not going to sing that song again. I'm done" (There were only about 2 minutes left anyway - time to hand out stickers, line them up against the wall, and shoot a few of them. JUST KIDDING!)
As I was making the pronouncement about how we were done with music, I said, "OK, boys and girls, we're not going to do this again. I'm....." before I could finish up with "done for the day", Old Soul Giovanna looked up at me with her sweet seriousness and said, "struggling". HAHA. That's not something I've ever said in class but maybe Alyson uses that particular word when dealing with those rascals every day. At least it wasn't "homicidal" - which might be how I'd feel if I was their homeroom teacher.
Not that there aren't adorable little ones in that class. Many of them are wonderful to work with. One of my best moments of the day yesterday came from watching Gizela sing her heart out on one of the songs. She was completely involved in making a joyful and incredibly sweet noise, and totally unaware of anything going on around her. A very precious moment. | | |
| I keep expecting Terri to tell me I'm screwing up and I need to pull myself together. Instead of the expected recriminations, she began recounting a conversation she had with another principal. For whatever reason, Terri was discussing my music program. She must've been doing a good job tooting my horn because the other principal wanted to know if I'd be willing to work at her school, too. When Terri indicated I wasn't interested, Principal 2 then wanted to know if I'd be willing to sell the curriculum program I've developed!!!
Now, there's an idea. I'll just quit my job and sell the Stoops Elementary Music Curriculum. As if! I can't imagine selling something that might be of use to other teachers. If Terri's principal wants to share in some of the resources I've found useful, it would be my great pleasure to pass along what I have.
Just knowing that Terri values my work (especially now when I feel like i"m barely hanging on) is better than getting money, anyway. | | |
| We have swine flu at the school. I don't want to put names out on the internet but one of the children who has it is pretty sick. Poor baby. | | |
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